The Surprize

First year of university, a house of eight,
Seven held a surprise party for their anti-social roommate.
Gathering together, dressed for fun.
He entered; “Happy Birthday!” they shouted in unison.
They waited in anticipation for him to speak,
And with a puzzled look he said “Guys, my birthday’s next week.”

The Re-opening

He had waited almost a year,
For his favorite restaurant’s re-opening premier.
He could hardly control his zealous feel,
When the waiter asked what he’d like for his meal.
“I used to come everyday and always had the same; chicken-min-chow!”
“Ah,” the waiter hesitated. “I’m sorry…we’re fully vegetarian now.”

The Rush

From London, England - in a foreign land,
The language he could barely understand.
Deciding to return; his time had passed.
“Flight, London, 30 minutes!” The attendant spat. “Go fast!”
He sighed relief successfully navigating this awful scenario.
Then during takeoff the captain said, “Welcome to Flight-171 to London, Ontario”

The Offer

“You wish to marry my daughter?”
“Yes.” the young man replied, drinking some water.
“You look like quite the athlete.”
“All-Star quarterback is no small feat.”
The father smiled suggestively. “We must do one thing together. It’s my ‘golden rule’”.
He continued. “Let me show you in my private pool.”

The Job

The alarm buzzed; first day at a new job.
Rising up early to avoid looking like a slob.
Arriving promptly, trying for the door; it was locked.
Is this the wrong place? He thought, shocked.
Being late he could never contend.
He then saw the sign, ‘Closed on the weekend.”

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Alternate Ending (Sub-series 1)

The alarm buzzed; first day at a new job.
Rising up early to avoid looking like a slob.
At work, he passed a janitor.
Courteously he said, “Good morning monsieur.”
The janitor stopped working. “How did you know I was French?”
“Simple,” he replied. “You gave off quite a stench!”

The Dress

Today was special, fully absent from unwanted stress.
All day she’d shopped; wearing, now, a beautiful dress.
She rushed home to exhibit her prize,
Making sure to catch all other women’s eyes.
Home to her boyfriend, with whom she would cuddle.
She stepped off the curb into a massive puddle.

The Decision

“I’m sorry Sir, but we need you to make a decision.”
The President looked on, famous for his precision.
“When’s the deadline?” He said revealing his hesitation.
“Hard to say, Sir, given the economic situation.”
The President closed his eyes, not wanting to make a mistake.
“Alright…I’ll have the Cheesecake.”

The Date

He was stressed; work made his mind hurt.
Driving home, he almost crashed not being alert.
Inside, flopping onto his bed; closing his eyes,
His girlfriend came in, jumped onto his thighs.
Kissing him she smiled; “So, what’s my present today?”
Confused, he thought for a second. 'Crap…it’s her birthday.'

The Night

They were out for a Pubcrawl,
Mike, Victor and their abstinent friend Paul.
They ventured strong, entering a club at two,
Asking Paul if he wanted anything: “Just Coke, thankyou.”
Victor returned; Paul drank with delight.
“What is it?” Mike inquired. Victor smiled, “Vodka-Coke. It’s gonna be a great night.”

The Gift

Wanting to impress with a loving present,
He looked tirelessly for something decent.
Walking into shops with an open mind,
Seeing some brilliant underwear thinking, “She’d love this find!”
He wrapped it all nice; her satin bra size 36 B,
When she opened it and sighed, “Honey, I’m a Double-D”.

The Gadget

Early morning; the TV emitting a faint glow,
He watched a non-descript advertising show.
“Call now for this $500 revolutionary anti-gravity money-making device!”
“I need this!” he proclaimed, “regardless of price!”
When it arrived he was over the moon,
Till he opened it, discovering instructions on, “Making your first balloon”.

The Idea

Too in love he was; he couldn’t talk,
Instead he would wait, sit and stalk.
Suddenly an idea; write her a love verse!
Which he would then masterfully slip into her purse.
Waiting one day for her to pass by,
He went too soon and got smacked in the eye.

The Opera

He promised her he would stay,
A four hour long opera named ‘Lé café’.
Twenty minutes in he tried for sincere,
But really just wanted to head-butt a spear.
Fatefully forgetting that she said it was over should he dare flee,
It suddenly hit him; he desperately needed a wee.

The Time

Fidgeting uncontrollably, she knew it was late.
Tomorrow, her first exam of eight.
She had studied so strenuously for this test,
That she had forgotten much needed rest.
Hours seemingly passed as she tried to get to bed,
But when she looked at her watch, only five minutes had fled.

The Meal

He was ravenous; he could hardly wait.
Nervous too, considering this was a first date.
She was a Southern girl, with a lovable Aunt,
Who had cooked her renowned, ‘Dîner Extrávagant’.
“Madam,” he proclaimed. “This tastes superb!”
“I’m glad.” The Aunt replied, “Considering I picked it right off the curb.”

The Grade

Today was the day for her final grade.
Please! Please! Please! She strongly prayed.
He walked over…handed her the report,
“Sorry dear, you’re two marks short.”
“But sir, I need this! Isn’t there anything I can say?”
“Well,” he smiled suggestively, “See me afterward, if you really want that A.”

The Conquest

He could not resist, he had to have her.
Music infused him, alcohol caused a blur.
Stumbling over, he tried for the wall,
He missed terrifically, evoking quite a fall.
Springing up undeterred he pronounced “Madam! I’d love to see you nude!”
His conquest hesitated…“Sorry son, I’m actually a dude.”

The Ice Cream

“Ice cream is a marvelous invention, wouldn’t you say?”
“I agree, it’s become almost cliché.”
“Hath thou a favorite my friend?”
“Choco-Chip, with crunchy bits at the end.”
“How many calories do you think are in one bite?”
“About the same my wife has put on throughout years of spite!”

The Flight

He squiggled and heaved, he could not concentrate.
His mind distant. His body irate.
He could feel the coolness of stone on his skin,
A 2-star hotel in the heart of Berlin.
He had eaten too many chilies during his flight,
And it was going to be…a very long night.