The Dinner

He had been building up courage for a week,
They had just finished dinner, he could hardly speak.
”Jenni,” he started. “I…I love you.”
She turned around, smiled with eyes shimmering in the view.
With a running leap she hugged him close,
“I love you too…just like my dog Rose!”

The Relaxation

She was perfect, he couldn’t think straight,
Tall, gorgeous, young; not one faulty trait!
She lowered herself onto his black slacks,
”Everything’s gonna be alright,” she said. ”Relax...”
Taking her words a bit too literally, for when she had made a start,
He flinched and let out a massive fart.

The Refurbishment

He awoke early morning close to half three,
Desperately needing to steady himself and pee.
Clumsily making his way through the night,
He entered his cold W.C. without turning on the light.
Bending over and falling mightily with a hard splat,
He realized that he hated his newly refurbished flat…

The Mix-up

Tonight she was in a kinky mood,
She desperately wanted him under her hood.
They went to bed and turned off the light,
She pulled out her ‘present’; held the bottle tight.
She began pouring and he screamed grabbing his Willie,
For it wasn’t cherry she’d bought, it was chili.

The Directions

Pierre was in a foul mood,
Brooding all day and thinking about food.
Someone had asked for help to King’s station,
He hated disruptions and pointed her in the complete wrong direction.
But as he turned to depart, smiling with evil glee,
He smashed his face right into a tree.

The Loo

Karen arrived in a flowing white dress,
Smelling of roses, she was out to impress.
Before they could get busy, she needed the loo,
Michael guided her thinking, ‘Guess even chicks need to poo.”
Upon flushing, Michael heard curses being spoken,
He forgot to mention that his toilet was broken.

The Laptop

His project soon to be complete,
The room full of sweat and heat.
He typed away, anxious for it to be done,
He couldn’t remember at what hour he’d begun.
Suddenly, the laptop shut off with a dying spin,
He looked past it and sighed…he’d forgotten to plug it in.

The Friend

The night had been so fun,
But he couldn’t remember what he’d done.
Ah! He’d gotten wasted and invited a girl back,
Stunning blonde with one hell of a rack.
He felt her spooning….he needed to behave.
But when he looked over his shoulder, it was best friend Dave.

The Bottle

Head aching from a heavy night,
Needing water to soothe his body and sight.
Off to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of H20,
He toasted his sleeping mate, “cheers bro.”
Guzzling it all down, excess dripping from his chin.
Seconds later he spat it out…it wasn’t water, it was gin.

The Passport

Behind schedule, he needed to hurry,
His flight waited, he sped past in a flurry.
Arriving at check-in, counter women let out a yawn,
“Madam, if I miss this, my job is gone!”
“Passport please,” she retorted. “Let’s not dwell.”
Then suddenly, he remembered it was still at the hotel.

The Fountain

Dale was drunk off wine ever so cheap,
He desperately needed a shower and sleep.
Wandering amuck, stumbling to and fro,
He squinted his way home - the way he did know.
Finally! He jumped into his hydro-mountain,
Only to find himself, a few hours later, awake in a fountain.

The Restroom

The party was awesome,
He had never drunk so much Cherry Absinthe-Blossom.
Needing the toilet he trotted along the hall,
The man in the restroom told him not to go into the stall.
He disregarded the advice as a sober diss,
And walked straight into a massive puddle of piss.

The Sprint

Today was the final of the 100 meter,
Winning would make Damion’s triumphant week even sweeter.
He psyched himself up; positioned himself steady,
The announcer rumbled into the microphone, “on your marks, ready”.
And as Damion prepared for his final stride…
He noticed that his shoe laces were not tied.

The Bird

Two friends stopped to admire a statue-man.
Matt: “How do they stand all day and not tan?”
Peter: “And he looks like a chump.”
Peter continues: “Ya’know what’d be funny…if a bird just took a dump…”
Peter stopped as Matt’s face went red.
“Pete…I think a bird just…on your head.”