The Uncle

Dillon had forgotten his sun cream,
Outdoors, his skin succumbed to the sun’s beam.
Recovering the next day, he answered the door,
Wishing he could just lie on the cold stone floor.
He winced in pain as he saw his uncle Doug;
This uncle always gave Dillon a massive hug.

The Camera

Finally, all his friends were back together,
Though months of planning and patience for perfect weather.
Everyone in the garden, all dressed and happy,
Billy took out his camera…he felt especially sappy.
Nothing happened when he clicked; he clinched, turning green…
And cursed as ‘low battery’ flashed across the screen.

The Italian

He met the most beautiful Italian girl,
Majestically blonde with a reddish twirl.
They had fun all night, he took her home,
He played it slow, asked her what she had brought from Rome.
She revealed a pet, “named Mr. Hats”.
He gasped, grabbing his throat…he was allergic to cats.

The Play

The biggest hand of the night,
Darrell would not lose without a fight
Looking at his cards, “all in” he did command!
His opponent won; Darrell lost everything in one hand…
From his couch, Jim yawned and scratched his head.
Then he turned off the TV and went to bed.

The Deal

Doug, starving, went to the local pub,
For 5 pounds he had beer and a foot-long sub.
He headed outside feeling truly great,
Having enjoyed a cheap meal which filled his plate.
His smile vanished though, as next door he saw a sign:
“4 pounds All-You-Can-Eat Buffet plus endless wine!”

The Sleep

3 A.M., Peter wasn’t happy.
He’d enjoyed partying, but got sick and snappy.
Coming home to regurgitate his night’s drink,
He aimed for the toilet and not the sink.
Suddenly, his watched beeped 9 o’clock; he felt a bit wet.
He opened his eyes…his face was still in the toilet.

The Bathroom

Drinking quite heavily, Greg felt unwell.
If he kept this up any longer, it would be hell.
Taking one last sip, his body said ‘No’,
Holding his stomach, he felt ready to go.
As it began seeping from his mouth; he shocked,
He sprinted to the bathroom...but it was locked.

The Clock

Finally, exams over, he was free!
He needed to relax, and tomorrow sleep late until 3.
Arriving home, hopping into bed,
He fast fell asleep, his fluffy pillow supporting his head.
Awakened early the next morning by a loud shock,
He realized had forgotten to turn off his alarm clock.

The Club

Having traveled two hours for this club,
Peter had cleverly drunk a lot in the pub.
Feeling quite tipsy, people slowly entered,
He couldn’t wait to hit on the womanly herd.
Approaching the entrance, the bouncer removed him with a smug grin.
“Sorry mate, wrong shoes. Can’t let you in.”

The Bag

Home from a late night out,
Vincent was smashed after a month alcohol drought.
In bed, head spinning, he felt a gag,
Rolling to his side – he grabbed his bedside bag.
Beginning to chunder everything out of his head,
He realized he wasn’t holding a bin, but his backpack instead.

The Confession

Clubbing, Manny felt like a pretty cool dude,
He chatted up long-term friend Cindy to improve his mood.
“Cindy, I’ve loved you since I met you.”
Cindy excitedly replied, “Manny! I love you too!”
She smiled as he laughed; grabbing his junk,
“Nah, just kidding. But you look doable drunk.”

The 100th

“So, 100 short stories?” asked Pete.
“That’s right.” Said Ryan. “Just finishing the 100th now, it’s elite”
“What’s it gonna be about?”
“Making fun of Jenni. I slept with her and she was way too stout.”
Pete paused. Ryan continued, “Something wrong with that plan?”
“Um, she’s got Herpes man...”

The Machine

At the station, the last train soon to depart the scene.
Having no money, he ran to the cash-machine.
Queue was massive; this was not fun.
Eight ahead…three…none!
Hammering in the card, one minute before the train would dash.
He looked back…‘This machine is no longer able to dispense cash.’

The Sauce

Back from shopping, he prepared a large meal,
Salad, potatoes and broiled veal.
Cooking would take hours, but it was worth the wait.
He grew anxious as he filled up his plate.
Preparing the final touch to his meat gloss,
He opened the fridge…he forgot to buy his favorite sauce.

The Store

Hungry and without much food, she needed to hit the shops.
The day grim, but she really wanted pork chops.
She timed her journey and set on her route,
Hoping that her luck would hold out.
She smiled; she was half-way to the store,
When suddenly, it began to pour…

The Sickness

Gerry was hot without a doubt,
He had gotten sick and decided to ‘sweat it out’.
His good friend entered; questioned his plight,
“Gerry, you know I study medicine and that doesn’t work, right?”
Stunned, Gerry looked on in disbelief,
The friend continued, “To think you’ve wasted 4 days chief!”

The Interview

Late for interview, Tim was rushed.
Having less than 5 minutes to get there; his soul was crushed.
Not giving up, he expertly navigated his course,
Dashing through the front door with urgent force.
Explaining his situation, the receptionist gave him a funny look.
“Um…your appointment is tomorrow Mr. Cook”

The Blouse

Andrew and Lydia were eating in a chocolate shop.
Andrew, being himself, kept looking down her top.
“Why do you keep looking down my blouse?” She finally spat.
“Well, what else can I look at?”
“How about my face you tart?”
“Yeah,” Andrew paused. “But that’s not the best part.”

The Exam

Exam day, he wasn’t in a good mood.
He had barely slept - hadn’t eaten much food.
This was his biggest mark; he needed an ace,
Anything less and his parents would label him a disgrace.
The doors opened, but he felt a sudden intestinal attack…
His uncontrollable diarrhea was back.

The Lunch

Dr. Feinberg was lecturing on the importance of health,
“A balanced diet can save years and personal wealth.”
The audience applauded as he finished the talk,
But Feinberg was hungry as a hawk.
He debated with his friend about lunch.
They decided on Fatty Joe’s; today was ‘endless hamburger’ brunch.

The Project

David spotted Ryan; sat next to him.
Today, Ryan finished an 8 month project but seemed grim.
“How’s it going? Hand it in?”
“Yeah…I did.” Ryan sadly rubbed his chin.
“Huh? Shouldn’t you be happy? Sing a song?”
“I looked it over after the deadline… the title was spelled wrong.”

The Table

During the home-cooked date, Katie was in the mood.
Not waiting anymore, she cleared the table of food.
She jumped on…it waned - falling to the floor.
In agony, she scoured the information drawer.
‘Maximum weight should not exceed 85 kg limit.’
“Great, I’m not getting laid and I’m unfit!”

The Birth

Today, the birth-day of his newest child.
Being prepared, he felt mild.
Already having five sons, he placed a bet at his local store.
Hell, they could always use some more.
The head appeared - it was a boy!
But as the rest emerged, his faced was sucked for joy…

The Debate

Stopping by the burger joint,
Dale, feeling concerned, set off to make a point.
“Peter, the doctor told you you’re at high chance for stroke, right?”
“High chance doesn’t equal certain, alright?”
“Using that logic, why bother buying lottery tickets, Mr. Unique?”
“Because, you never know. Could be my week!”

The Pamphlet

Shopping downtown, he was bored.
He spotted a congregation that he worked toward.
Seeing him, they surrounded; handing him their pamphlet.
He examined. They wandered off – leaving him nothing to fret.
Shrugging, he began reading with a slight yawn.
“By the time you read this, your wallet will be gone.”

The Essay

Dillon awakened with a sleepy groan.
He pressed ‘speaker’ on the tone.
“Dillon, Matt calling. How’s the essay; nice and fine?”
“Haven’t started. Got until the 7th of August 2009!”
“Dude, it’s due tomorrow – The 8th of July. Get a clue!”
“Shit…you Europeans put day before the month don’t you?”

The Tea

A slip in the mail meant one thing.
Her package had arrived giving her a slight ting.
Ripping it open, she peeked inside; her exotic tea!
Making herself a cup; licking her lips with glee.
Inhaling the drink which she would forever savour…
Turns out, they’d delivered the wrong flavour.

The Athlete

Brandon was a famous athlete,
Born a natural, no one else could compete.
Being interviewed filled him with glee,
“Winning is the greatest thing in my life!” He yelled on TV.
Returning home, he could tell he had upset his wife.
“Suzie, relax. You’re the second greatest thing in life.”

The Memory

The shower felt nice; water was warm.
He could hear rain outside; what a storm!
All dry, he checked his email and phone.
No messages, no calls; he felt a bit alone.
Then, detecting a great stench without even looking,
He suddenly remembered… this whole time he had been cooking!

The Text

Feeling frisky, he got out his cell.
Quickly writing a text to his girlfriend Belle.
“Come over…we’ll do it in my parents’ bed.”
Upon sending it his heart filled with dread.
Scrolling through ‘recent numbers’, he face-slapped his palm.
In his hast, he had accidentally sent it to his mom.

The Dissertation

The deadline was in ten,
Jeremy had struggled all night to finish his dissertation.
He saved his final copy and began to sprint,
Arriving at his last obstacle, he desperately hit ‘Print’.
The machine buzzed alive, but suddenly began to taper…
Jeremy bent over; the printer flashed, “Out of paper.”